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An old fashioned libertarian’s view on the world

Archive for the ‘Chimpanzee’ Category

Monkey See, Monkey Do Xanax and Maul Woman

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In a country gone mad with socialism, we finally have our bread and circus to take our eyes off our getting bent over the stove. Travis the demented chimp went on a rampage and ripped the face off it’s owners best friend, and possibly her fingers as well. Chimps are known to bite off faces, genitals, and digits when they attack. The owner told reporters that she had given the pissed off primate xanax some time before the attack because he was agitated. Some people are stupid, and get what they deserve. Had this dope been attacked instead of her friend, I would have nominated her for the darwin award. You can’t expect good things to happen when a 200lb chimp attacks. If you don’t believe me as to how stupid this woman is, who calls the cops on 911 and asks them to shoot the animal while she is on the phone. WTF? Like they can do it over the phone. Such cases show the uselessness of 911, also known as dial a prayer. To make matters worse, the idiot, probably half-assed, stabbed the monkey with a butcher knife. Unless you pierce a vital organ like the heart or brain, such methods are futile on hostile creatures. Better would have been a glaser saftey slug from a .45 in the sternum. Mr Bojangles would have been made room temperature at that point. The only thing missing from this absurd drama is Barack Hussein Obama. I am sure there is something in the stimulus bill for irate chimpanzees. Hope and Change Travis, Hope and Change. 

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Written by James Lagnese

February 18, 2009 at 8:09 pm